i started writing this "new" entry on january 13th as a "new year" entry, and promptly forgot. actually, looking back at the dates, it looks like i got covid not long after i started writing it, haha. because it's the first entry i've written in 2024, i suppose it still serves it's purpose regardless...
i've undergone a lot of change since the last time i worked on the site. if i'm being completely honest, it's been difficult to connect with the project, or things that i know i should enjoy at all. isn't that depressing? what use is there writing these entries when it's all just complaining... who would want to read that? why does it even matter? i keep hitting mental bumps that make me want to completely destroy whatever i've made online, but the fact coda and i share this site has stopped me - which is part of the reason we wanted to do something together in the first place. i do appreciate that. i know deep in my heart that even making myself type things like this out is helping to shake off some of the mental funk induced rust. but i wish i had more to talk about than constantly complaining that things are hard.
.. come to think about it, the site is over a year old now - since february 12th. wow. i should really be more proud of myself for having something to show for over a year of work. i want to be able to create again, and to have ideas and work on them.
... lo and behold, it's over been a day since i started writing this! i promptly forgot and "took a break". my mother came over this weekend not long after i began writing, which is both complicated and stressful, so that took all of my brainpower to deal with that. fortunately, i somehow feel that it's easier to "create" or at least glimpse what i would consider "creativity" or "motivation" again afterwards, which is ironic but appreciated.
i updated the look of the sidebar on the right. what do you think? i still think the photos section is a little messy, and i'll move the dates onto the pages themselves soon. i've been meaning to resize a lot of those old images so that they take up less bandwidth and are generally faster to load, but haven't gotten around to it, so it'll be a nice excuse. they're meant to invoke the imagery of a journal page and a corkboard respectively. i considered moving my photos to another page entirely, but i have too much fun with this one. i was inspired deeply by jeith's photobook page, which has dedicated sections for both film and digital photography... as a major photography nerd myself it was lovely to see. maybe someday if i get back into wanting to work with film or something i can make a page for that sort of thing.
as for the rest of the site, i've slooowly been completely revamping my pokemon hub bit by bit to include many, many pages on my thoughts on the series, and lots of information (both personal and informational). in hindsight, i may have stumbled into a bit of burnout with the scope of such a large topic to tackle, but it's one i felt strongly about. i'm starting to get back around to it now. i don't remember if i'd watched the S/V dlc whenever i started to work on it. actually, i don't think the indigo disk or mochi madness had been released then - or, at least, mochi madness definitely wasn't. so all in all i guess it ended up being okay that i hit one of my months-long slumps in activity. (even if i'm just saying that to make myself feel better...)
oh, so i don't forget, here's something cool that happened: today coda went to see end of evangelion in theatres. i wish i could have been there to see it too, because it seems like an absolutely bizarre experience. my relationship with evangelion is "weird" - i technically watched it at age 14, and then promptly forgot about it. on second thought, i think i'll save my thoughts on the series in general for a different journal entry.
what else has been going on in my life... oh, i applied for SSI a second time last month. i'd applied once before, but didn't appeal within 30 days upon the first (expected) rejection, so i had to go through the strenuous process of applying again. it's very difficult to do on my own as an autistic person, and interacting with government bullshit tends to agitate my neuroses in general, but i pushed through it again. i expect to be rejected initially one more time, in which case i'll pursue appealing with a disability lawyer. i also have been hospitalized since my last application, unfortunately in general, but fortunately for the fact i have more paperwork than i did last time. i also have my fibromyalgia diagnosis on paper since last time as well, so i'm hoping at least this go around will be a little easier. the hell i've had to go through with medical malpractice when it comes to the rest of the things i needed to apply could be it's own entire section of the damn site, lol, but i'll leave my skeletons in their closet.
oh, well. i don't have anything too interesting to write about, but it's nice to talk a little since i've been without therapy for a while. thanks for reading if you got this far. i don't have any cool art or anything to show off this time, but that's okay. we can't always be winners.